i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so explain again why im purple
no
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
