just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
