Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
