I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
