Me. At least after what I've been through.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
