He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
