how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
