I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
