So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
