Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize