Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
