I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
