Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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