i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
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