Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
