At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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