the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
