I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Houston, we have a blender
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
