P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
tell me about the eggs
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