doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
