we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
