its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
All I want is dick and wine.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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