so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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