I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
