she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
