Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
