Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
