you didnt know i had herpes?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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