I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
