matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
