I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
