Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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