My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
