i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
