She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I did not marry a roomba.
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