How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The best revenge is premature balding
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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