12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
