Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
