i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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