I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
