Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
