white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
