Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
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This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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