I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We smell like vodka and hangover
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