My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
