This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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