If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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