He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize