After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
