The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
