I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
