we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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