we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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