Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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