his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
