So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
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It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
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My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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