Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
