I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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