The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
