yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
