She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
