I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
