i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
