I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
