I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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