dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
