I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
