i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
