oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
