someone get that fucking seahorse.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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